Shopping List

Posted on Updated on

I won’t be around tomorrow. I doubt that any sensible words will be written by me until Wednesday at least, as will probably be illustrated if you read on. Really. I do mean that. There are important things on my mind. It’s epic monthly shop day again tomorrow, and today is pretty much gone with preparations for this vital venture. Essential mental preparation also has to be undertaken for the possible things that I could be doing wrong, but I think that this time no fault can be found to warrant handing over all my cash in fines. My nemesis. The fire extinguisher that came with the car was the wrong colour and replaced, but I can’t remember which colour that was, so both red and blue are nicely tucked in now, just in case. Said car is gleaming to within an inch of its life, and the long sand road to the tar will be inched over, to avoid a $20 fine for driving a dirty vehicle. The weather forecast has been checked. The newly, and gleefully acquired list of spot fine values has been deeply studied and tucked into the console.

I’m not paying a penny more than I have to this time. I see now also that I will have to refrain from spitting in or out of the vehicle, and thereby avoid a fine of $5. It’s never occurred to me before to spit anywhere, least of all in or out of a car window, but gross as it is, now that I know I’m not allowed to… Well… I imagine that at some point somebody must have actually spat inside their car and been seen by an appalled officer somewhere, or there wouldn’t really be any point to making it a fineable offence. Not wearing your seat belt is also $5, so, right up there with the gobbing as far as danger is concerned. Probably if you aimed it at the driver’s eyeball, and hit your target, it could very well be very dangerous. If I was that driver you would indeed be in quite a substantial amount of danger at that point. And Lord knows what could happen if you aimed such a ghastly missile into moving traffic, or at an innocent pedestrian ambling along, unknowing of the bitter fate that awaits him, to the corner store to buy a bag of chips.

I wish I could stop thinking about this now, but like one of those horrible songs you hear in elevators, and then can’t stop humming all day, the possibilities as a result of such a truly diabolical, terrible deed just keep coming. I might write a book. A tale so wondrous and literary, while at the same time down to Earth enough to impassion lovers of Archie comics, and tastefully flecked with romance, that I will instantly be shot to superstardom, riches, and adulation the world over. Well. I did say. So….

Till next time friends. xxx

Truck

19 thoughts on “Shopping List

    michelle said:
    April 29, 2013 at 9:48 am

    You serious get fined for that! Omg…..people here can’t say anything anyone. Good luck.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      April 29, 2013 at 10:41 am

      Thanks Michelle 🙂 Travelling here is always funny. Expensive sometimes, but generally funny – the next day usually – lol. You really do get fined for these things too. A couple of people have paid $20 for having mud on their bumpers, and the spitting thing really is on the list. Hopefully I’ve got my ducks in a row this time & won’t have to pay anything. 😀 xxx

      Like

    LucyPireel said:
    April 29, 2013 at 10:30 am

    Jo Dearie, You had me laughing out loud again! Great start of my reading day. Thanks! I now imagine you driving like a snail to avoid any dust getting on the car while holding your humongous amount of phlegm in your mouth until the officer looks the other way to let it slowly drip out to the roof of your car. Hey, there’s no mention of dripping on your car!
    Anyway, have a safe day tomorrow.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      April 29, 2013 at 10:37 am

      Hee hee hee Lucy! It’s terrible having a writer’s imagination and seeing such a fine on a list. Tomorrow will be hard for me – the temptation – the temptation – 😀 xxxx

      Like

        LucyPireel said:
        April 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm

        Don’t succumb to it 🙂 Unless it’s too hard, then just swallow and don’t spit. Wheeeeheeee. Ooops, that is an unintentional pun.
        xoxo

        Like

    marianallen said:
    April 29, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Are you SURE you don’t want to sign up for Story A Day May? You’ve got me drooling over that story. In fact, excuse me while I spit. ~ptooie!~ Thank Gawd I live in the land of the free and the home of the brave, where a feller can hock up a hairball and spit it any durn where he wants to. I think it’s in the Constitution.

    Seriously, that’s one fine I’d pay cash money to see levied around here.

    Marian Allen
    Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      April 29, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      Even though I’d actually really love to, I’ve got to get ready to publish African Me by the end of May. Loved the NaNo. You seriously can have the gobby idea for one of your though – ha haaa – mysterious hoiker lobs gillies at passing strangers, causing mass panic and terror – heeee!!! Suits your wicked humour too. 😀 Oh dear. I reckon that this law is one of the really old ones that never got chucked out over the years. Still it there, so I’d better not. I’m pretty sure I will though – never say no to a Irish! 😀

      Like

    cicampbell2013 said:
    April 29, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Is there a fine for singing in your car? I’d surely get caught on that one! Or talking to yourself? How much is $20 compared to, say, a litre of fuel?

    Like

    jorobinson176 responded:
    April 29, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I’m not allowed to sing anywhere – apparently it’s really bad for the environment. Good idea though!!! Next road-block, I’m breaking into song, and see how fast they let me through! Ha ha haaa!! We use pucker US dollars here. Fuel is $1.odd (can’t think of the cent’s right now $1.63 I think). It’s a stiff fine really, and not fair, because no matter how clean your car is when you leave home, you can’t avoid picking up dust or mud on the sand bits. 🙂

    Like

    Jane Fritz said:
    April 29, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    In your neck of the woods the expression “may we live in interesting times” takes on new meaning. Good luck!

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      April 29, 2013 at 3:30 pm

      True – and thanks Jane! Need a bit of luck here sometimes. Terry Pratchett (hardcore fan of his) has a book called Interesting Times. Apparently saying to someone, “May you live in interesting times.” is a curse. 😀

      Like

    acflory said:
    April 29, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    Something this bizarre just has to be true so… where on earth are you going? Sorry, just general whereabouts like Alaska is fine. I just want to make sure I never go there!

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      May 1, 2013 at 11:17 am

      It is a bit bizarre now that you mention it. Ha haaaa! I go from Karoi to Harare (Zimbabwe) once a month. It’s about 8 hours travelling time there and back, and you can get stopped at a roadblock 6 or 7 times each way. It’s become a bit of an obsession of mine now not be be fined for anything now, because it really isn’t hard to get fined for things around here. All a laugh at the end of the day though. 😀 xx

      Like

        acflory said:
        May 1, 2013 at 11:48 am

        So… are these road blocks and fines legit? Or just some petty officials out to make some pocket money?

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          May 1, 2013 at 12:21 pm

          You can wait for a receipt – theoretically. I never do though, because getting fined for these things makes me cross, and having a tantrum at a roadblock would be a really bad idea I reckon, so I lean towards the pocket money theory totally.

          Like

            acflory said:
            May 1, 2013 at 11:55 pm

            Ouch. Living in nice, safe Australia I find your situation kind of scary. 😦

            Like

              jorobinson176 responded:
              May 2, 2013 at 3:17 am

              It’s cool actually. 😀 I really love this place, warts and all. It’s beautiful, and the people here are genuinely nice. To be honest, most of the guys at the roadblocks are cool, with sometimes interesting senses of humour. They don’t easily get my money & I probably give them a hard time too – I’ve got to learn when to shut up. 😀

              Like

                acflory said:
                May 2, 2013 at 6:45 am

                lol – I think you enjoy a challenge! But I do understand the feel of home. 🙂

                Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s