I don’t suppose that really bad people think that they’re really bad. It occurs to me occasionally that I could be quite a horrible individual, and just not realise it. I don’t know what goes on in others minds, and equally nobody knows what goes on in mine. Nobody’s perfect, and I doubt that any person on their deathbed will say, “Well now. Wasn’t this trip just a bed of roses?” I know that I’m far from perfect. I make stupid decisions. When I lose my temper things generally don’t go well for me, so I try not to. I don’t always get it right, and I often get the wrong end of the stick anyway, so sometimes some poor soul gets a totally undeserved earful. This is a huge flaw in my character. Looking at your own faults is the most difficult thing to do. A few years ago though, the universe lobbed a couple of things at me. I tend to take notice of things being lobbed at me.
One of these things was a book called “The Road Less Travelled” by M Scott Peck. He was a psychiatrist who seemed to know not only the human brain, but quite a bit about the human soul too. He shows you how to confront and deal with life’s challenges, look within, and avoid avoidance. This book had a huge impact on me. It was like a massive slap in the face, directly followed by the most loving of embraces to make it better. That’s when I decided to try and live my life as simply as possible. I don’t mean simple as in eating lentils every day or going without things. My road to self realisation will never include giving up chocolate, champers, or some of my other slightly wicked habits. I meant to make my life simple by being honest with myself, accepting blame for things in my life that up to that point I had been blaming others for, seeing the truth in situations as best I could, and looking properly at every thing that came my way. Once you get over the actually quite painful process of looking back over every inch of your life, owning, accepting, and being genuinely sorry for the things that you have done wrong, and also accepting and forgiving the things that have been done to you, you find yourself in the most astoundingly happy place. Suddenly you don’t want to do anything wrong. You don’t want to inflict hurt on others, and you find yourself able to deal with any little thing that comes your way.
I’ve slipped a lot lately, I think, so I’m trying to haul myself back on to the peace train now. One thing I don’t do though, is lie. I like people to know that about me, and I really have very little time for people who do. Why waste a second of my life on a liar? The only time I’ll stretch the truth is if telling it would hurt someone. Otherwise, I believe that life is far too short to make up crap. I’m still working on turning the other cheek and controlling my temper. Got a long way to go with that one. I’m not ever going to go out of my way to be vengeful when someone hurts me, because I know that that’s a slippery slope, and these things always come back to bite you. At the same time, being a doormat is only going to get you stood on. You have to stand up for yourself. Without being nasty. You also have to have the courage to stand up for the things you believe in. I know that I’ll never be perfect. I’ll slip and fall. And sometimes I’ll do the wrong things. But I also know what’s good about myself. I try never to hurt and to always forgive. I hope I don’t sound like a pompous ass here. I’m just trying to say that that balances things out, because no matter how the world perceives me, I know that I’m coming from a truthful place, and that’s the only thing that needs to matter to me.
Till next time friends. xxx