Stanley’s Review

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Stanley’s Review

“Stanley. Where the hell’s my tea?”

Stanley flinched, but couldn’t tear his eyes from the glowing screen in front of him. The excitement of realising that someone had posted a review of his book, the book that had taken him ten years to write, had been quenched when he saw the single lonely star, and read the scathing words.

From George Witherall
Not only do I regret ever laying eyes on this appalling book, I also regret looking at this author’s profile to see what manner of fool could write so badly, and coming face to face with the ugliest man alive. Load of rubbish. The only recommendation that I could give for this trash would be incineration.

“Stanley!”

“Yes Mother. I’m coming!”

The cold shock of reading his very first book review had rendered him incapable of movement. The rage that now filled him as he clicked away, looking for more information on George Witherall, threatened to blow the top of his head off. What had he ever done to this person? What sort of thing was that to say about his book? Had he even read it? And how dare he comment on his appearance? In a few minutes he was looking at his foul detractor’s Facebook page. Scrolling down, he sneered at the smiling, handsome face. And then with a shock, he realised that he recognised it.

“Stanley. You bastard!”

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, leaping from his chair and heading to the kitchen.

He looked around the immaculate room. His kitchen now. He’d been born in this very place forty seven years ago, he’d been told. Smiling, he remembered gleefully setting about scrubbing it from top to bottom on the day his mother had finally taken to her bed properly a few months back. Dirty old woman. He adjusted his red bow tie, still smarting from such terrible insults being so casually posted on an international book vending site, for all the world to see.

Scowling, trying to remember where he recognised that face from, he measured three spoons of Earl Grey into the teapot. He carefully placed four chocolate digestives on a side plate, and then it hit him. Of course! George Witherall’s face had lately been plastered on billboards all over town. He owned the new department store on West street.

Stanley rushed back to his desk and dialled enquiries. Soon, after a few short rings, a melodious voice answered.

“Mr Witherall’s office. How may I help you?”

“Is he in?”

“Yes Sir. Who may I say—.”

He hastily disconnected, and rushed to his room.

“Stanley. My tea. What’r you doing you bloody little shi—!”

The kettle clicked off and the tea remained unmade. Stanley was loading his .38.

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14 thoughts on “Stanley’s Review

    jennieorbell said:
    May 18, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Well Jo That should prevent anyone from ever again giving YOU a 1 star review!! Rock on x

    Like

    Jane Fritz said:
    May 18, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Wow, A Story a Day in May! I hadn’t heard of this. I stand in awe. First of all, great first story. Secondly, I can’t even do a post a day and am thinking of scaling back so I can focus better on trying to write something beyond blog posts. I’ll look forward to more of your stories!

    Like

    marianallen said:
    May 19, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Forget George — I think I’d do Mother first. Er … and I NEVER give one-star reviews to anyone in my own town. Just sayin’.

    WELCOME TO THE STORY-A-DAY CLUB! I just KNEW I would be glad if you did! 🙂

    Like

    jorobinson176 responded:
    July 4, 2014 at 7:18 am

    Reblogged this on Jo Robinson.

    Like

    Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. said:
    July 4, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Love it – XX

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      July 5, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Thank you Sally – I love that you have a proper wicked sense of humour – just like me. 😀 XXXXXXXXX

      Like

    belsbror said:
    July 4, 2014 at 8:45 am

    Well, I would not be loading a .38 but I might look for Dirty Harry’s 357. (laughs) Can’t fault the writer for his reaction. Some people, especially in a powerful position, could not imagine how his words could be so damaging to other person’s self confidence

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      July 5, 2014 at 11:52 am

      LOL! That’s why I never leave a bad review – you never know who you could make REALLY mad. 😀

      Like

        belsbror said:
        July 5, 2014 at 1:27 pm

        But that’s on a case to case basis. 😀
        If the reviewer is really way out of line and without real reason to be rude, then a voodoo ritual may be in order because of the distance. (laughs)
        Seriously, reviewers should be objective and not mean, If they do not like the book, skip it and shut up. 🙂

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          July 5, 2014 at 1:31 pm

          HAH! Love the voodoo ritual! 😀 I think some people feel that it makes them appear very superior to the author sometimes. I could never bring myself to hurt someone like that, so I just keep my opinion to myself if I don’t like something. 🙂 *Making voodoo doll – just in case* 😀

          Like

            belsbror said:
            July 5, 2014 at 1:49 pm

            We call it “kulam” in the vernacular. It is not practiced anymore but just in case, it will be easy to arrange. 😀
            You have the correct solution. I will do the same.

            Like

    […] to say so if a story grosses you out that badly, so I’m not likely to get all a href=”https://africolonialstories.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/a-story-a-day-in-may-stanleys-review/”>… about the whole thing. But if you’re going to give a negative low review, at least make sure you […]

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    […] day, and Stanley was determined to address the assault on his life’s work in the form of that one star stinking steamer of a review, pulsating mightily online in all of its lying filth, for all the world to see. He’d […]

    Like

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