Hmmm….

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A comment on a previous post got me thinking about what I’m actually doing here. The spat of freak weather we’ve been having here has left this particularly crazy scribbler with way too much time to think. Firstly – the weather. There was an epic windstorm and a couple of fairly epic thunder and lightning events. And some hail. Truthfully, after living where I’ve lived in Zimbabwe for the past eighteen years they were a bit ho-hum to me. I’m used to having rip-roaring cyclones without the benefit of a basement. Anyway. Things blew up electricity-wise. Now I really get those guys in the first world who have pucker “bug out bags” and plans for evacuation in the event of the zombie apocalypse. This little town shut down tighter than a snail with OCD. The banks were closed. The fuel pumps were closed. The supermarkets were closed. Hell – everything was closed. And so my obsession with having loads of food on hand and a bit of cash at all times was WELL justified. Take THAT you guys who said I was odd.

Also – I take my hat off to the people of Zimbabwe for seriously rising to the occasion. Apart from having a mental president who rants at all aspects of Westernism, yet is not averse to the odd horse drawn carriage, twenty one gun salute, or a really fine chilled glass of Pinotage, they know how to survive in an apocalypse. There when the power went off, we put the generator on. We always had at least a month’s worth of food on hand. The banks, supermarkets, and petrol stations all had their own personal generators, so shopping was not so hard – apart from the time TM got stuck on Phil Collins’ rendition of True Colours, played it over and over, and we were all sobbing our eyes out with the till operators when we left.

But anyway. Back to the subject at hand. A comment on my Yacking It Up post really made me take ten steps back and take notice. I mentioned depression in the post, but I really thought I skirted the subject well enough not to draw criticism from those who suffer this affliction. Seems I was wrong.

I started this blog as a newbie writer. And I mean newbie. I’m not one of those scribblers who have been penning tales from the age of six. I haven’t written anything until about three years ago apart from shopping lists. Originally after I got the whole inspiration thing for African Me I thought I’d go the traditional route and find myself an agent and obviously turn out to be the next best thing since cream cheese. But unfortunately my OCD kicked in.

It was never my intention to share these interesting character malformations that I have here on my blog. This was supposed to be all about my writing. And this in all probability will be the ONLY post I ever share about my weirdness. But here goes anyway.

I have Anxiety Disorder. I have Panic Attacks. I do believe that I am borderline Agoraphobic and possibly Bipolar. However. Mostly I have these things under control. Not so much at the moment because sometimes life chucks so much crap at you you would be ABNORMAL not to be a freak show.

Still – these are not things about my life that I care to share. Even though I’m fairly “normal” now, I remember all the terror, bloody excessive amounts of cortisol that did crazy things to my body and mind. These things can NOT be understood by those who have not lived through them, so unless you’ve lived them don’t write articles about them – and certainly don’t encourage anyone else to either. And each of us has a unique set of symptoms. Medication might work for one and not another – yoga, exercise, diet, and prayers works for me. It just pisses me off a little to have anyone casually toss such a random comment into my post when I never professed to be an expert on the subject of Depression – although I can assure you I’m a bloody card carrying member of that club.

Anyway. This will be my last post of this nature. And I’ve thought long and hard about actually posting it. My blog is about BOOKS and THINGS THAT I LOVE AND FIND COOL. If you have anything really stupid to say – write it on a carrot, and stick it….

dragrear

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19 thoughts on “Hmmm….

    Libby said:
    November 2, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    Hats off to you too – and keep writing, it is most interesting reading.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 3, 2013 at 12:40 pm

      Thanks Libby. I need to learn to be more patient probably. 😀

      Like

    The Story Reading Ape said:
    November 2, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    ATTA GIRL JO – you tell ’em – but seriously, you are very courageous to share your vulnerabilities in this post, hopefully, doing so will actually make you LESS vulnerable.
    You’ve also demonstrated very well that these and other vulnerabilities, not discussed or applicable to you, do not hold anyone back from being a good writer, author or person.
    May the rain fall gently and softly on your face and the faces of those you love (adapted Irish Blessing)
    🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 3, 2013 at 12:42 pm

      Thank you for that lovely Irish blessing my furry friend. Although the cat’s out the bag now, and I can’t pretend to be all sane and cool any more. 😀

      Like

    LucyPireel said:
    November 2, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    Jo, I admire you only more for being strong and just telling these very personal things even with the difficulties it brings. You are good people and let those who feel the need to ‘chuck crap’ at you just write that on a carrot and stick it …
    Anyway, you will always be my friend and your blog will be most different if you were never to share the yucking it up posts anymore with us.
    Be strong and remember you have friends and that there will always be people who feel the need to put someone down.
    xoxoxo

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 3, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      Thank you Lucy love. I should learn to keep my nostrils covered so that people can’t insert themselves in them. 😀 It’s gorgeous souls like yourself that make this interweb a beautiful place my friend. xxxxxxxx

      Like

        LucyPireel said:
        November 4, 2013 at 11:14 am

        Always look at the good, while keeping the bad just in the corner of your eye, to remind yourself it is there, but not let it rule you or your actions. Stay true to you and you’ll be okay.
        Your friends (I’m glad to be one of them) will always be there to stand by you when the bad closes in on you.
        xoxo

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          November 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm

          You are my lovely Lucy. xxx Usually I’m quite good at not letting these things rule my actions, oops for this time. 😀 Thank you for always being in my corner my friend – people like you make this world a much brighter place for all of us. xxxxx

          Like

    marianallen said:
    November 2, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Lucy is right, Jo: Trolls are always on patrol, ready to jump on anyone and anything. You go right ahead being you. Post about whatever you damn well please on your own blog. Haters gonna hate, but that’s THEIR problem. This comes from a sufferer from one of the many points on the anxiety/depression spectrum. Some days are good, some days are bad, eh? HUGS

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      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 3, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      You’re so right Marian! I’m sure some people zoom around looking for something to be condescending about and squish softies all over the place. It’s not nice. I’m totally with you with the good days and the bad days. Shake, rattle and roll – LOL! HUGS back at you lovely lady. 😀

      Like

    ihidemychocolate said:
    November 2, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Dear Jo,
    I value your insights about your struggles with anxiety and depression. They always strike me as honest and respectful of those who also suffer in a possibly more disabling way. Don’t shy away from saying hard things. It’s why we enjoy reading your blog. I am quite sure I could be accused of wallowing in my self-absorbed neuroses with some of my more cringe-worthy revelations. I am learning that sometimes people’s reaction to what I write is more about them than about me.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 3, 2013 at 12:52 pm

      Your posts are LOVELY, and never ever cringe-worthy. I really relate to all of them, and I think you’re incredibly brave sharing your truth. I like what you say about people’s reactions being more about them than anyone else. I really make an effort to never say anything that could potentially hurt someone with these issues, and I tried to ignore that comment but failed miserably. Just goes to show how dangerous it is to actually make comments like that, because a lot of us tend to hide it but we still rise to the occasion when poked. xxxxx

      Like

    gillswriting said:
    November 3, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Hey Jo, late to the party as always but take a bow centre stage please. Everyone has said it all before but I’ll add my tuppence. Do not change a thing about anything you are doing here, your posts are always a great read and always bring a much needed smile. ignore trolls, zombies and mad presidents at all costs! Way to go Jo xxxx

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 5, 2013 at 12:40 pm

      Thank you Gill! Just slightly lost my balance there for a bit – although that’s not hard for me to do. 😀 I still find it amazing that you’re in Africa and what you’re doing still knocks my socks off – I love reading your news. Hopefully you’ll pop into South Africa somewhere along your awesome trip. 😀 xxxx

      Like

    Sherri said:
    November 4, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Hi Jo. I really admire you for your honesty. Your blog is your blog and you should be able to express yourself in the way you want to. Being able to share personal things with your good friends here has shown you the wonderful support you have so keep on writing and never mind what ‘those others’ say 🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      November 5, 2013 at 12:28 pm

      Thank you for those lovely words Sherri. I do have wonderful friends and I love the lot of you guys. 😀 xxx

      Like

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