Troll La La La La Laaaaaa

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When I first joined the old interweb I was pure as the driven snow. Well…. Maybe not so much, but my eyeballs hadn’t encountered as many unexpected, flaming burns as they have these days. My first experiences with a couple of the various breeds of troll were quite traumatic. Mainly for the trolls I think. These days I just ignore the idiots.

I had a Facebook troll who was incredibly abusive about one of my short stories on my timeline. I don’t mind critique, but even the white space around the words enraged this fella. I made the mistake of politely responding to him. I was a newbie scribbler back then, and his nasty remarks pretty much broke my heart. As the conversation continued, it became clear that the guy hadn’t read much more than Archie comics, and he was just having a blast being a mean prat. Unfortunately, instead of just deleting and banning him, I lost my temper and pretty much squished him like a bug. I immediately felt bad though. Troll or not, us writers have a lot more ammunition in our verbal toolboxes than they do, if we slip into the dark zone.

My second troll was a pervert who had the ability to make the Marquis de Sade blush. Again I made the wrong move by sending a polite message asking him to please stop sending porn to my message box. Boy, did he let rip! After I got a couple of massively foul, and threatening rants I blocked and reported him. Easy peasy. Should have done that in the first place.

Trolls don’t get to take up any of my time at all these days though. Other than laughing at their desperate tries for the wrong kind of attention, I’m not interested in responding to ignorant psychos in any way, and wasting too many seconds of my time. The only way to deal with these people is to ignore them or block, ban, or report them depending on the level of their abuse.

Being an indie author means connecting with loads of new people on line every day on all our various sites. Meeting up with these ooglies now and then goes with the territory, and we should make sure that they are never allowed to insert themselves in our nostrils for long, or give them the satisfaction of knowing that they succeeded in inflicting pain, because that’s what these bottom feeders need for sustenance. I suggest the following course of action if one pops up on one of your sites.

1. Raise brow, and curl lip derisively.
2. Allow yourself one second to be appalled that such a creature actually exists.
3. Snort.
4. Ignore – block – report.
5. Forget that tool
6. Sip some champers, and write on.

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66 thoughts on “Troll La La La La Laaaaaa

    alisonjackauthor said:
    February 21, 2014 at 7:01 am

    Well said Jo. I used to allow trolls to upset me too, back when I was wide eyed and naïve, but now I’ve realised the opinion of someone whose only pleasure is in causing pain counts for nothing.

    Like

      ailsaabrahamwp said:
      February 21, 2014 at 7:21 am

      Spot on as usual, Jo. I have given up even bothering to reply, no matter what the subject. They are either cerebrally cross-wired or so entrenched in their own “rightness” that they are never going to change their opinion so exchanging dialogue with them is a waste of my time and energy. Recently I was trolled by two women, I’m off sick at the moment, so friends jumped to my defence. Guess what? That just got them more abuse and self-righteous vomit. Never more!

      Like

        jorobinson176 responded:
        February 21, 2014 at 11:25 am

        “Cerebrally cross-wired” – LOL! They totally are! And I have yet to spot a clever one. The worst ones are those self-righteous fools who insist on jumping in where they have no business being and throwing their junk around. Delusions of grandeur or something. I hope you’re feeling better now??? Good for your friends coming to your defence! I hope you’ve booted those trolls and banned the sods now, and that they didn’t manage to cause you a single twinge of pain. Rotten people. Get well my friend!

        Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Hello lovely Alison! That does seem to be what they feed on – inflicting pain. I really think that being ignored actually hurts them back though, and shows that you know that whatever hurt they’re trying to inflict is not worthy of your notice at all. I can’t even imagine what a lousy set of values people like that live by, all the while they think they’re proving their great worth by stomping on others. 🙂 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

      Like

    M T McGuire said:
    February 21, 2014 at 8:43 am

    Excellent advice. 🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:20 am

      Thank you MTM. 😀 Trolls – Phnark ’em! 😀

      Like

    Sherri said:
    February 21, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Great advice Jo, thanks, but I’m so sorry to read about the abuse you’ve suffered in the past at the hands of these total prats. What you share here with us now is very helpful, and you know me…I particularly like your last piece of advice – ‘sip some champers and write on’. You know I don’t need much of an excuse to do that! Have a lovely day my lovely friend 🙂 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:19 am

      We never need excuses to sip that lovely nectar lovely Sherri – Ernest Hemingway recommended lots of quaffing too, so scribblers should follow his instructions. 😀 I suppose we all have to learn one way or another, and now I’m chuffed I can just let these things go unanswered if I see them. Feel no troll inflicted pain. 😀 BEEG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

      Like

        Sherri said:
        February 21, 2014 at 3:23 pm

        Wonderful, glad to have a happy ending 🙂 Ernest Hemingway knew what he was talking about didn’t he??!! 😉 xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          February 22, 2014 at 2:24 am

          Wobbly geriatric cuties. LOL! 😀 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

          Like

            Sherri said:
            February 23, 2014 at 12:12 pm

            Ha ha!! I can see us now……….. 😉 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

            Like

    LucyPireel said:
    February 21, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Hahaha, Jo my Dearie, the only way to go about handling trolls. Great! I’m still practising the lifting of one brow, haven’t mastered that one yet, but I will get there.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:14 am

      It will look good on you my lovely Lucy – practice away! There seems to be a spate of trolling around and about these days, so I thought I’d share what we should do, rather than what we want to do (jump on noggins!) 🙂 XXXXXXXX

      Like

    LucyPireel said:
    February 21, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Reblogged this on All That's Written … and commented:
    My dear friend and fellow author/blogger gives some great advice about how to handle those that live under bridges.

    Like

    drewdog2060drewdog2060 said:
    February 21, 2014 at 9:57 am

    When I was growing up trolls where ugly monsters who inhabited the pages of Lord Of The Rings, The Hobbit and other children’s books. Now they have escaped from between the covers of fairy tales and are loose on the internet. I think I much prefer their presence in literature! I have seen trolls at work. One of their favourite tactics is to give 1 star reviews for the sheer pleasure of doing so. Of course some books deserve 1 star reviews but if one gives such a review (which I have never done) then one should explain, in measured and reasoned terms why the marking has been given. Trolls give 1 star reviews and employ intemperate language when doing so, for the pure pleasure they derive from inflicting pain on authors. As you rightly say take no notice of the trolls, block or report them. Many people who engage in this behaviour do, I feel sure suffer from low self esteem. They are also cowards, it is easy to hide behind a keyboard and throw insults around. My guess is that most trolls would not have the courage to engage in such behaviour in a face-to-face situation. Thanks for the post, Kevin

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Spot on Kevin. They are cowards, and would probably run like the wind if anyone they were bullying showed up at their door. I’ve seen that 1 star thing in action. Another blog I follow outed someone for trying to group swap 5 star reviews, and within days his book had a flood of incredibly badly written 1 star reviews. There’s no way I’ll give a troll the time of day again. I’m partial to my Terry Pratchett trolls though. 😀

      Like

    Mark Myers said:
    February 21, 2014 at 10:19 am

    “and we should make sure that they are never allowed to insert themselves in our nostrils for long..” Brilliantly put. You touched on the key, we either allow them to insert themselves or we don’t. Unfortunately, they are always going to be there. Good advice.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:07 am

      Thank you Mark. 😀 Now that you mention the nostril, I bet Virgil could teach a troll a lesson in his own special ways. These trolls often seem to have troll tribe backup too, all sitting around wasting everyone’s time, and piling on poor unsuspecting innocents. When anyone signs up for the interweb, there should be a big flashing neon sign saying IGNORE THE TROLLS. 😀

      Like

    mattjohnsonauthor said:
    February 21, 2014 at 10:21 am

    I made the same mistakes early on and learned the same way. I listened to a Radio 5 Live programme featuring troll attacks on Richard Bacon which advised that the best way is not to feed a troll, that way they go looking for a bite elsewhere.
    It’s good advice.
    Getting into any form of dialogue with them is not a good idea, they cannot be wrong and their whole motive is to upset you ans wind you up. The more you react, the more they enjoy it.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Hiya Matt! You’re absolutely right there. I find it so strange when I read some threads where these trolls just seem to get happier as the fights they start progress. It’s so tempting sometimes to want to jump into the fray, because it looks so wrong, but they love it all too much. Better ignore them and give ’em a wet squib for their troubles. 🙂

      Like

    fleamailman said:
    February 21, 2014 at 10:35 am

    (“…so welcome to my world then…” smiled the goblin kind of introducing himself as a livewriter of sorts, and then continuing “…more or less the moment one starts writing online, trolls appear to try their luck, being the fault of online interaction perhaps, where yes, on blogs at least one can ban them, delete their posts, etc., but on forumland there’s no such leeway is there, yet their barbs rarely change where an imaginative livewriter can use their wit to good purpose upon them…”, and with that the goblin turned back to Jo and grew as smile to the words “…at your good service then, merely my pen is yours for the asking then, where I would be only too happy to take those trollls off your hands should you care to send them my way next time…”)

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 10:59 am

      Oooooh cool – my lovely Lucy’s goblin! You are most welcome here goblin, and I’m sure your pen will make those trolls squirm too. Next time I feel the mucousy nip about my ankles, I’ll call on the armoured goblin. 🙂

      Like

    Charles Yallowitz said:
    February 21, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Only had to deal with one troll before learning my lesson, but he took a chunk out of me after 2 weeks of back and forth. I do feel sorry for fiction trolls being connected to such vile creatures. I mean, they didn’t do anything to deserve the association to people with no social media manners. 🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      Two weeks with a troll on your back must have been worse than root canal every day for the same time! Sorry you had to go through that Charles. You’re right about the fiction guys – they look like starry-eyed unicorns compared to some of the online rotters. Maybe we should think up a new name for them. 🙂

      Like

        Charles Yallowitz said:
        February 21, 2014 at 12:28 pm

        It was strange because he had moments of civil conversation, which might have been to make me think I was getting somewhere. I really should have stepped out of the conversation at the first swear word.

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          February 21, 2014 at 12:55 pm

          I reckon they’re mostly some kind of latent psychopath the way they behave. I sounds like that guy premeditated what he did to you – he probably targets people and does it all the time. The swearing covers the lack of intelligence too.

          Like

            Charles Yallowitz said:
            February 21, 2014 at 2:14 pm

            A college friend of mine calls Trolls ‘little man in the Internet shadows’ syndrome. All are brave with the anonymity of the Web.

            Like

              jorobinson176 responded:
              February 22, 2014 at 2:29 am

              That’s so true Charles. Faceless trolls. You can pretend to be anyone you like online. I’ve personally come across about 20 Bear Grills – there must be a cloning station somewhere.

              Like

    The Story Reading Ape said:
    February 21, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's New (to me) Authors Blog and commented:
    What do I do with Trolls?
    Marinade them in Chilli Sauce for 24 hours, then wok fry them for one minute to lock in the juices – then Bar-B-Que them in the hottest part of the wood chip flames (Oak is my favourite) to crispify (SHOULD be a word) them – then BITE OFF THEIR TOES, ONE AT A TIME and crunch my way up to their scrawny necks before throwing their heads away (these have no flavour or goodness) LMFAO 😀

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      That sounds YUMMY! 😀 I’ll collect all those I spot along the way and send them over in a sack for you, FA’d One – LOL! 😀 Thank you for sharing Chris! 😀

      Like

    hocuspocus13 said:
    February 21, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Reblogged this on hocuspocus13.

    Like

    janeybgood said:
    February 21, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    I’ve been there too. I just feel sorry for them now. Living under a bridge is only fun if you’re some middle class French artist and you’re doing it by choice. Trolls are lonely and bored and crave attention. Poor trolls.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      LOL! They are pitiful creatures to me now too. Poor trolls. Ha haaaa! 😀

      Like

    Amanda Green said:
    February 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    A very good post on internet bullies/trolls. They are never worth any effort bar to block or report them which must be done to get them removed and unable to do it to someone else. It just gives them the wake up call that they can’t do as they please, and they will be knocked down and peg or two. I hate people who find this cowardly way to bully others appealing. They need to become more human 🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 21, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      Hiya lovely Amanda! It’s true about the blocking and reporting also preventing them from doing it to others. That’s a really good point – sometimes just ignoring isn’t enough, and there are way too many people getting away with bullying in general, and causing massive heartache as well. 🙂 xxx

      Like

    John W. Howell said:
    February 21, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Had a troll drop a comment on one of my posts. It went to moderation. To my surprise the guy sent another message apologizing and asking me to delete the first. Troll with a conscience. You don’t often see that.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 22, 2014 at 2:27 am

      LOLOL! Love to know what he said! “Troll with a conscience”. That’s good though John – just goes to show how easy it is to say something mean or carelessly hurtful. At least that guy had the sense to realise he’d said something wrong.

      Like

        John W. Howell said:
        February 22, 2014 at 1:32 pm

        He said my story was crap and was as if a high school student wrote it to be clever. I was going to reply “well since I am still in High School I take your comment as a compliment.” I visited his site and must say he writes some pretty dark grim stuff, so I could see his problem with a piece of fluff.(which mine was)

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          February 22, 2014 at 1:36 pm

          Some people write some really strange things – which says a lot about what must rattle about between their ears. At least you got high school student – my one star review said grammar school quality. LOL! 😀

          Like

    Sue Dreamwalker said:
    February 21, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    I so agree with you Jo, the Trolls are pathetic, little bullies who hide behind their screens … Best delete and report and squash them like the Bugs they are.. ( I have more respect for actual bugs lol as I do try to avoid killing them! )

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 22, 2014 at 2:21 am

      LOL! Me too. I had a huge baboon spider on the doorframe of the laundry room for a couple of weeks holding on to her ball of babies, so I had to leopard-crawl hunched over all the time – holding my head in case she decided to take a leap. Thank you Sue! xxxx

      Like

    sondasmcschatter said:
    February 21, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    Reblogged this on sondasmcschatter and commented:
    LOVE IT— I’M OLD– WHEN TROLLS TRY TO ENTER INTO MY WORLD— PRAISE GOD FOR “THE MCS BRAIN FOG”– THEY ARE SOON FORGOTTEN– & DELETED!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

    Like

    Kev said:
    February 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Sorry you went through that Jo. If you get anymore, send ’em my way 😉

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 22, 2014 at 2:18 am

      Thanks Kev! It’s a different kind of universe, the old interweb, isn’t it? 🙂

      Like

        Kev said:
        February 22, 2014 at 6:06 pm

        Hey, there’s a thought! 😉

        Like

    Seumas Gallacher said:
    February 23, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Reblogged this on Seumas Gallacher and commented:
    my dear friend, Jo Robinson echoes my thoughts on how to deal with the occasional Troll… great piece… 🙂

    Like

    Seumas Gallacher said:
    February 23, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    …echoes my thoughts 100% on how to deal with the occasional troll… re-blogworthy!! 🙂

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 26, 2014 at 6:18 am

      Thank you for sharing lovely Seamus! 🙂

      Like

    davidprosser said:
    March 2, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Trolls don’t so much share heir views as inflict them. What they do or say often upsets others who comment on blogs and may lose you followers. Much as I’ve enjoyed put-downs in the past, the only way forward is to ban them and forget they exist.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      March 2, 2014 at 10:04 am

      “…Much as I’ve enjoyed put-downs in the past…” LOL David! The banning is the only way – you’re right. If you argue they generally gather back-up, and there seem to be quite a lot of those tribes around. Have a LOVELY week my friend! xxx Huge Hugs to the Hug Master! xxx

      Like

    ghostbusterbev said:
    March 12, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Jo, I have experienced these dark souls firsthand.. I had one leave sweet comments on my blog then all of a sudden she turned on me…wow, what a shocker. They hurt like a hangnail until you yank em out and forget about them!

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      March 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      You are so right Bev – no matter that we realise that there is something wrong with them – not us – it still stings. You don’t know what sort of souls are lurking over keyboards out there, and if you see what some people get up to these days, there must be some truly evil buggers about, who get real pleasure from inflicting pain. You delete that sod and blow a raspberry! 🙂 xxxx

      Like

    Vashti Quiroz-Vega said:
    March 22, 2014 at 7:00 am

    Hi Jo! I’m sorry you had to go through those horrible experiences. I don’t understand what these trolls get out of acting the way they do, or maybe they just need to be on medication. I’ve had my share of troll problems too. Oh well, I guess we have to take the good with the bad. Have a great weekend! 😀

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      March 22, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      I bet you get a lot of the perv trolls looking as gorgeous as you do Vashti. Never mind – it’s amazing how broad minded us scribblers are no matter how innocent we look. Have a wonderful weekend my lovely friend and thank you! xxxx

      Like

    Mary Strong-Spaid said:
    July 16, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    I have run into a troll or two, and I also tried to politely respond to negativity–
    Not realizing that some people simply enjoy irritating other people for fun.
    A response is what they want and they don’t deserve it. Not worth the time wasted, for sure.
    I love your 6 steps on how to handle….and then move on.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      July 17, 2014 at 8:01 am

      You’re right – there are some really twisted people around and about the internet. I like the thought of them waiting and waiting for the fun to begin, and getting totally ignored instead. 😀

      Like

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