Monkey See, Monkey Run Like Hell

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I can’t be messing around much if I’m going to get anything published at all this year. With things still being CRAZY hectic around here, and me not having much time to write, distracting me from my work is not a good idea when I’m hard at it in the little time I do have. Especially when I’m really getting a lot done quickly. These epic word rolls don’t happen often, and it’s particularly difficult to get my attention when I’m on one. Success at finally getting my attention at such a time is never going to be a good thing – for man or beast. Birds don’t count, because they’re generally attached to me, so part of the process. While I would be the last person to want to hurt any sort of creature on the planet, that doesn’t mean that every single one of them makes me come over all warm and fuzzy. Worms creep me out to the point of screaming and belting around the house with hair on end a couple of times if I accidentally grab one while whiffling through a bit of damp soil – as you do. Mortally venomous snakes in my house are not going to make me put anyone in it at risk by talking to it in a friendly fashion while attempting to pop it into a bag to transport to pastures new. No. It will unfortunately get to meet its maker early if it doesn’t get me first. And I absolutely loathe African bees after helplessly watching a swarm of them kill my animals in the most agonising and long drawn out way. No bees allowed around me. Yes I’m the only person on the planet who doesn’t think they’re lovely little things that should be decorating cakes. No child around here should think of bees as cute in any way as far as I’m concerned. Four year old twins were killed by them at a dam down the road from us in Zimbabwe. Now this brings me to monkeys.

Monkey Looking Innocent - Hah!

I’d love to see the people who abuse them in labs have their kneecaps shot to shreds and then have them dumped in the middle of millions of fire ants. I think monkeys should be left alone to get on with things in whatever wild parts remain to them. But I’m not particularly fond of them, and they’re most certainly not welcome to pop around to my house for any sort of snack. (NOT APES!!! WE LOVE STORY READING APES, WHO ARE ALLOWED ALL THE SNACKS THEY WANT!) Monkeys. I’ve had a running battle with the little sods for years now. Up in Zimbabwe, among other terrible acts of theft and destruction, they used to eat the baby weaver birds out of their nests. Not on my watch Dagwood! I never ever harmed a hair on one of their smelly little persons, but chase them away I did. Monkeys know what guns are, so all you have to do is point one at them or let off a shot in the direction of nothing at all, and they’ll hightail it out of there. They’re clever buggers though, so I got a lot of exercise warding off their various military style tactics to gain entry from different points.

Monkey Pretending to be Cute

Monkeys in suburbia are another kind of pain in the bum altogether. They know which day the rubbish is collected, and driving down the road on Tuesdays looks like a warzone after they’ve ripped and tossed everybody’s trash all over the place. Now I know a lot more about my neighbours than I cared to thanks to them. If you don’t have screens on your windows and doors they’ll pop in and destroy your house for you in their quest for snacks, while you cower in the toilet waiting for them to leave, and any yards with fruit trees are open season. They don’t delicately pick a fruit or two and munch on it either. They hoik off everything whether its ripe or not. Around here, they’re very interested in what my feathered horde have lurking around – and the horde have food of some sort all over the house. Every time you hear those demolishing beasties thundering over the roof, or one of their faces pops up at a window, my birds freak right out, and Button has flown into things a couple of times now, hurting his tiny little body, and almost knocking himself out. Apart from the constant distraction from my scribbling, I’m worried that one day the poor guy will hit just a little too hard to survive. Can’t have that. So war it is!

Jelly Munching

Now – you can’t go zooming around the yard in suburbia with a real gun letting off shots willy nilly. And you aren’t going to get very far with a broom either. Monkeys know what brooms are, they’re not scared of you, and if you try and interfere with them unarmed they’ll bite your face off. They really will – not fluffy cuties, monkeys. So – not a scribbler for nothing. Googled and googled. And now I’ve got me a nice little replica rifle that shoots plastic pellets. The lovely man at the shop is very clued up monkey-wise – they’re the terror of the area – and supplied me with some “special” little pellets that would most certainly sting without causing actual injury – just in case. I’ve been having a ball zooming after them now, after having them show me the finger all the time – not to mention some pretty serious looking dental equipment – buggers. They’re avoiding any sign of me now. *Grins* *Shows monkeys the finger* Jo 100 – Monkeys 0 – HAH! Anyway. Back to work.

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32 thoughts on “Monkey See, Monkey Run Like Hell

    Charles Yallowitz said:
    September 12, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Deadly snakes, killer bees, and bully monkeys. Here I thought I had a problem with telemarketers and squirrels. Good luck with your battles. What about stink-based weaponry?

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Pelting them with rotten eggs? 😀 I’ll take on snakes rather than telemarketers any day of the week though – those guys are properly painful.

      Like

        Charles Yallowitz said:
        September 12, 2014 at 3:24 pm

        Sad thing is that they’re never calling for me and I’m the one who is usually home. So I can’t get my wife or parents off the lists since they won’t listen to me.

        Like

    kcg1974 said:
    September 12, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    Always enjoy reading your posts and these shots are amazing! Thanks, Jo!

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Thanks Kim! I’m trying really hard to learn how to use a camera for the first time in my life – it’s REALLY different to the phone snaps. HUGS XXX

      Like

        kcg1974 said:
        September 12, 2014 at 3:01 pm

        Oh, way behind on that one, Jo. Haven’t even attempted it yet! 😦

        Like

          jorobinson176 responded:
          September 12, 2014 at 3:03 pm

          It’s been lurking in the back of my wardrobe for ages now, but I’m obsessed with a cover I want, so no choice now. 😀 It’s actually quite fun, even when you don’t know which button’s which.

          Like

            kcg1974 said:
            September 12, 2014 at 3:34 pm

            Another ‘something’ for me to learn. You are right! Always a “Good” thing!! 🙂

            Like

    Teagan (@teagangeneviene) said:
    September 12, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    OMG… and i thought i had neighbors from Hell… Well done, just the same, Jo. You had me right there with you as i read. L. Frank Baum must have lived in a neighborhood like yours before he came up with the most creepy fictional monsters of all time — the flying monkeys! 😀

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Now those would end civilization in a heartbeat! Imagine the little tyrants with wings! Off to Amazon to look for that book – think he might give Stephen King a run for his money as far as my phobias go. Maybe hell is just wall to wall monkeys with pitchforks and teeth. Ack ack ack! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    Celebrating Vef said:
    September 12, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    I’ve read horrible stories about lab monkeys being deliberately infected with Ebola virus.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      They infect those poor little guys with everything, not to mention all the other pains they inflict in the name of science. Quite a lot of these experiments are a waste of time too, because humans are not the same. Very, very sad. 😦

      Like

    Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. said:
    September 12, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Great post and brought back very early memories. We had the little thugs in Sri Lanka when I was a child – they would empty the cigarette boxes and eat the tobacco (high as kites) get into my parent’s bedroom and adorn themselves with anything sparkly and my mother’s makeup. Generally harmless but occasionally one of the big guys who they used to hang up by the neck in the local market would escape and they were quite rightly outraged and very dangerous. Rabies was a real danger then and my amah used to hustle 3 year old missie inside and locked the doors very rapidly. Love the idea of the plastic pellets – decisive action that shows the consequences and teache them where the boundaries are….XXS

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      That’s a wonderful memory Sally – especially with your guys being too stoned to be violent. 😀 Rabies is a massive problem here too, so even though Bella’s had her jabs, there wouldn’t be much to do if one of them went on a rabid rampage. It’s quite funny to watch the monkeys that shouted the loudest turn tail and leg it now. They’re still dangerous here though, because some people are actually still thick enough to feed them, and they probably don’t understand why everyone doesn’t. ❤ XXXXX

      Liked by 1 person

    The Story Reading Ape said:
    September 12, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    PHEW – Glad you excluded me from the Cull Contract you’ve taken out on the Monkeys 😀
    I’d send a couple of my Naughty Chimps over to sort the little blighters, but you’d only end up with a bigger problem then 😀

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      I knew to put it in LARGE letters so as not to hurt any lovely furry feelings. 😀 I reckon that me and my toy gun are the best idea I’ve had in ages. I’m really giving them the willies now – and sorry to say – it’s like a really fun hobby. 😀 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    yeseventhistoowillpass said:
    September 12, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Do you really usher poisonous snakes out of your house….? What kind? Do you really have monkeys near you? And those killer bees unbelievable.. Now we have worms but poisonous snakes.. No thanks.

    Like

      jorobinson176 responded:
      September 12, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      We live at the edge of a mountain range here – so all sorts of nasties about. In Zimbabwe my foot touched the tail of a massive mamba – just as it was heading into a fold under the carpet – VERY lucky for me. We’ve had allsorts indoors – boomslang, spitting cobra, and so on. I took the photos above yesterday in the yard – shortly before swopping my camera for my new pellet shooting rifle. 😀 The bees truly were terrible – African bees swarm and attack at the drop of a hat – stinging and stinging for hours – it took them hours to kill my turkeys. It’s nice here though – these things don’t happen often, and when they do, you just have to count on dumb luck. 🙂

      Like

        yeseventhistoowillpass said:
        September 12, 2014 at 3:46 pm

        Wow.. I thought you lived in some massive city.. You have monkeys! We only get to see them in a zoo… Your backyard is a zoo. How do snakes get in the house? I swear you should take pictures of where you live.. If a boomslang was found in a house here the news trucks would be out in force…

        Like

    Peter Wells aka Countingducks said:
    September 12, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    I’m not sure if I was meant to but the whole post was so full of energy and zest that I started to chuckle. I’m pretty friendly with animals, whose company I prefer to tax inspectors at all times. That being said, last year, as I strolled along the river, a bee got caught in my ear, no doubt in the process of whispering some much needed home truths, and stung me in the process. I have been a little nervous of them ever since

    Like

    coldhandboyack said:
    September 12, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Would a more threatening dog help? Of course an Airedale might be the kind to pick a fight with a cobra. I don’t think I could have watched the slow death of one of my animals without ending it’s suffering. You might find a Wrist Rocket useful, google the term.

    Like

    Mira Prabhu said:
    September 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Reblogged this on mira prabhu and commented:
    Monkey See, Monkey Run Like Hell…I love Jo Robinson’s style…she is the REAL deal…check her out for yourself and enjoy!

    Like

    chrllrobb.blog said:
    September 12, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Quite the story. I think I could handle the monkeys better than the deadly snakes for sure, and better than the bees. Sorry you lost pets to them. And prayers for the twin’s family. And I am with you on the lab terrorists and any animal abuser. Or child abuser. Cudos for finding something to get them on the run without really hurting them. I had to laugh and could picture the monkey giving you the finger. I can imagine what the mouth full of teeth are like! “-D Most monkeys are cute, but I have heard they can be nasty when they want to be. Chimpanzees commit murder even! Not a pleasant sort. Have a good day! 🙂

    Like

    Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. said:
    September 13, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    It is that time of the week and I thought that we would start by monkeying around with Jo Robinson – There are burning issues everywhere we look in the world and in our personal lives but I bet most of us do not have to contend with a barrel load of simians intent on mischief… Today the theme is beauty and laughter in images and words……

    Like

    inesephoto said:
    September 13, 2014 at 10:32 am

    I love reading blogs from around the world to learn about diversity of life. Where else would I find out all these details and have a chance to ask my questions. Thank you so much for sharing! I so love your stories and your way of life 🙂
    Two facts from my experience: Most of the lab animals suffer for nothing. Many of the researchers and the lab staff are not pleasant to be around because their practice of shredding and discarding animals affect their relationships with the other human beings. No compassion, no respect for life. I am not judging them in general, but I have met some scary characters, and it made me rethink my career.

    So sorry for cute Button 😦 Glad you have got that gun, and hope the monkeys spread a word about it…

    Like

    eleanorvisser said:
    September 13, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Love it!!!!!

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    eleanorvisser said:
    September 13, 2014 at 11:09 am

    And they really terrorise the primary school kids for their lunches

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    Sherri said:
    September 13, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Haha…you go girl, get those monkeys outta there! I’d do just the same. Can’t be doing with that but of course we don’t have that problem here in jolly old England. Only the neighbour’s dogs who are left alone all day while their owners are out at work and who get so bored they bark and squeal all day long….grrrrrrrr……
    You’re on a role…hopefully I’ll be soon. Have a super, hopefully relaxed, weekend my lovely friend… ❤ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 🙂

    Like

    ihidemychocolate said:
    September 16, 2014 at 3:14 am

    I am worm-phobic also – they give me nightmares! There are no monkeys in the NYC suburbs, thank God.
    Love the birdie photo! xo

    Like

    Patrick Jones said:
    September 27, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Great post Jo!! Reminds me of the movie with Robin Williams…Jumangee!!

    Like

    humptydumptymuralmagic said:
    October 9, 2014 at 4:59 am

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      jorobinson176 responded:
      October 13, 2014 at 10:17 am

      Hi there! I am enjoying your posts indeed. 🙂

      Like

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