Frog Tosser
I’ve just discovered that one of my neighbours is lobbing the dead frogs that he fishes out of his pond over the wall. I went to unlock the gate for my cleaning lady this morning, and there they were. Something went SPLOT under my foot, and when I looked down – well. Four leathery, expired amphibians in a little pile, and the rather flatter one that I stood on. Fortunately for the neighbours they’d already left for work, because squishing a dead frog first thing in the morning did not make me a very happy bunny at all.
My cleaning lady then spotted their cleaning lady, so she headed over and politely suggested that their gardener be asked to stop hoiking little green corpses into my driveway. Turns out that they don’t have a gardener, which means that my neighbour HIMSELF is responsible for tossing the toads! I don’t personally know the couple next door, but I’m pretty certain I’ve heard that he’s a lawyer. You’d think that a lawyer would know better than to chuck little decomposing bodies into an innocent scribblers yard exactly where she’s most likely to stand on them, considering she has a bad habit of not looking where she walks. The sod.
Unfortunately, my weekly gardener had already disposed of the evidence by the time enough steam was coming out of my ears to send me out to throw them back over. I’m not sure what to do yet. Heading over to discuss the matter sounds a little embarrassing to me, and I don’t like embarrassing people no matter how toolish they behave. I’ve considered putting the word out in the domestic workers underground that I’m looking for a couple of hundred dead frogs. It would make the memory of that squishing, crunching sound under my foot this morning a lot less blurgh if I could return the favour a hundredfold, but I wouldn’t want to be the actual cause of death of any frog in case anyone got overenthusiastic to deliver. So.
The fuming has knocked me right off my epic editing throne, and now all I can think of is flattened frog faces. Still. I think there could be a story here somewhere. In the meantime I’ll spend a little time Googling grand revenges. He’s not going to get away with it.
Image Credit: Candid Frog Free Stock Photo
Jo Robinson 
November 4, 2014 at 9:13 am
And I thought the slug under the bare foot was bad enough…
Great title though, Jo.. just had to stop and read!
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November 4, 2014 at 9:16 am
Aaargh – slugs! Thank you Sue – I don’t think the memory will leave anytime soon. 😀
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November 4, 2014 at 9:19 am
No… I can imagine! There is a time of year when my son’s pond is home to the best part of a hundred frogs.. they invade. Throw themselves at windows… lurk under every potential footstep… and strangle fish in their desperation to mate.
The rest of the year I like frogs. But I wouldn’t want to step on one! 🙂
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November 4, 2014 at 9:24 am
Ha haaa! We used to have them in the dam below the house up in Zim so not too many around the house – a frog throwing himself at my window would probably kill me. I love frogs and little lizards, but definitely not keen on stepping on another one. 🙂 X
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November 4, 2014 at 9:18 am
Surveillance cameras Jo. Catch the sod in the act! 😉
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November 4, 2014 at 9:20 am
Or better still – me lurking in the bushes with a big stick. 😀 X
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November 4, 2014 at 9:22 am
The sod indeed! And a lawyer no less. I’m not sure of the details of Sod’s Law but it might apply. Lousy thing to do to a neighbour. Sorry, Jo.
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November 4, 2014 at 9:25 am
LOL! The way I’m feeling now, he’ll probably end up with some sort of right to sue. Just goes to show though – no matter how posh people portray themselves, they are what they are underneath. Uncivilized. 🙂
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November 4, 2014 at 9:51 am
Poor frogs 😦 I have 3 of those in the photo and 2 firebelly toads. They’re adorable pets!
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November 5, 2014 at 3:25 pm
The are cool little guys, and quite clever. I’m partial to lizards as well – there are loads outside and they munch any bits of food the dog drops. Seriously cute. 🙂
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November 7, 2014 at 7:53 pm
Lizards are great. I have some of those too XD
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November 4, 2014 at 10:17 am
Hmm, on a writing thread, this would make a great alternative story to The Frog Prince…The Frog Tosser! Could portray your lovely neighbour as the Tosser himself and tell his frog story. 😉
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November 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm
LOLOL! Like in the UK calling someone a Tosser as an insult? Love that concept! I should write a little story and pop it in his post box – revenge by story! 😀
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November 5, 2014 at 4:09 pm
A writer’s perfect revenge! 😄
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November 4, 2014 at 10:30 am
Who does such a thing…? Don’t snakes and such handle the frog population?
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November 5, 2014 at 3:33 pm
Uncouth guy that. There aren’t that many snakes around, and honestly I’d much rather squish an already dead frog than a live snake. 😀
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November 4, 2014 at 10:53 am
Hello Jo,
What a sod indeed 😦 It never fails to surprise me how people can be so…well, rude. You would think someone in the legal profession would have more common sense, but it seems to not be the case. I don’t know how folks like him can look at themselves in the mirror and not feel any sort of remorse. Sadly, I see it happen a lot everywhere 😦 And, poor frogs 😦 I’m sorry you had a not so pleasant morning.
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November 5, 2014 at 3:37 pm
Thanks Takami. 🙂 These things make me wonder what people think of themselves to do such things, and he can’t be a great lawyer if he can’t imagine that I’m going to figure out that he’s the one who did it. I hope for his sake that he doesn’t do it again, because there are some lovely ideas here for revenge. 😀
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November 4, 2014 at 12:39 pm
Hi Jo. Sounds like lawyers there are living down to the reputation they have here… Maybe you could package them up and have them delivered to his office — “Oops, you dropped these. I was sure you’d want them back.” Now to figure out how to cause him to open the package in public… Wishing you a terrific Tuesday.
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November 5, 2014 at 3:39 pm
Ha haaaa! Love it! If he does it again, I am seriously going to send them back in a box with your exact words too. Wonderful week to you Teagan. HUGS! XX
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November 4, 2014 at 12:48 pm
You could go ‘green’ and introduce a couple of natural predators- a couple of puff-adders?
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November 5, 2014 at 3:41 pm
😀 They’ve got some brilliant rubber snake replicas at the Crazy Store here – my revenge list is growing thanks to all you clever scribblers. We’re probably not the right sort of person to toss dead frogs at. 🙂 X
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November 4, 2014 at 1:23 pm
My thought is to wait until more dead bodies arrive, wrap them in a nice gift box and leave them on the front step of the neighbor’s abode. But the might be too inflammatory…
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November 5, 2014 at 3:42 pm
I love it! I’ve been thinking about it though. If he’s a lawyer he should realise that I’m going to know where they came from, so maybe he wants me to know. The plot thickens. 🙂
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November 4, 2014 at 2:13 pm
Yuck! What an un-neighborly thing to do. Why don’t you pop round and mention it to him. Take a lovely home-baked frog shaped cake for him, and ask him to please stop. That way, you’ll heap fiery coals on his head to soften him. As in smelting. Romans 12:17-21
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November 5, 2014 at 3:44 pm
Or a lovely home baked cake with an expired frog in it if he does it again. 😀 I have a feeling that he’s going to – looking forward to it now. 😀 X
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November 4, 2014 at 2:30 pm
Commence the amphibian revolt! As for a lawyer knowing not to do that, I think it depends on the type of lawyer.
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November 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm
Commence the amphibian revolt! 😀 Cool! I keep thinking that too – he can’t be overly clued up. One dead frog – fair enough, but a pile of them right opposite where his pond is not going to go unnoticed. His pool skimmer is poking up right there too.
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November 5, 2014 at 5:36 pm
That’s just laziness. A person should at least cover their tracks, so they can blame a monkey.
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November 4, 2014 at 3:23 pm
The frog-tossing sod is the exact kind of neighbor nobody wants. WWCGD? (What would Clark Griswold (aka Chevy Chase in National Lampoon Christmas) Do?
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November 5, 2014 at 3:54 pm
😀 With all the brilliant ideas for retaliation here I reckon if he does it again, a Chevy Chase kind of ending is inevitable.
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November 4, 2014 at 4:56 pm
I had to chuckle at this one Jo… LOL… well its better than getting hit on the head with stones or pieces of wood, which my lovely neighbour keeps doing! 🙂 We smile at their idiosyncrasy LOL… xxx 😀
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November 5, 2014 at 3:57 pm
Wow! Stones and wood coming over a fence could take your eye out. That’s a terrible thing to do, and says a lot for you that you can smile at such a person. He’s very lucky that he isn’t my neighbour too. 😀 XXXX
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November 5, 2014 at 4:08 pm
Believe it or not its a She.. who is in her eighties.. And she has been like it with us ever since we built a new fence 15 yrs ago now….which was built next to hers with a 6 inch gap… She was so nasty with the workmen who built it saying if they touched her fence she would make them pay for a new one.. I tried reasoning with her saying it was only a fence as hers was falling down…. She stopped speaking to us over it and the items of debris kept coming through the air.. One once narrowly missing me as I hung washing out.. .. . A year later she pulled her fence down and claimed the land between.. Really funny as we had a garden wall which we had to build our fence over it and over the root of our tree , She how has these protruding on her side which she has covered with shrubs.. 🙂 So we laugh as she is an embittered soul, and even One of her Son’s now doesn’t come or speak with her Her other son comes rarely .. She falls out with everyone, and when our Children and others children were small, She would Keep balls and knock on the window and come to the door to tell them to go else where to play..
I send her Love.. Really I do.. She needs it.. 🙂 >3
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November 4, 2014 at 5:26 pm
Wrapping them up and getting them delivered sounds good…And I agree that the title is priceless….
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November 4, 2014 at 5:33 pm
What a cheek! Perhaps you can send him a recipe for frogs legs.
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November 5, 2014 at 4:00 pm
Brilliant! Together with the frogs he throws over too. 😀
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November 5, 2014 at 3:59 pm
😀 I hadn’t thought of the double meaning for the word Tosser – still applies though. 😀 XXX
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November 4, 2014 at 10:01 pm
I sit in my writing room at night and the light attracts a tree frog– I mean a big tree frog– now and then and It sounds like someone is throwing things at the house. I guess it’s the light that brings them. Disgusting!
Talking to the guy may resolve the issue, but then again leaving a package will get his attention.
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November 5, 2014 at 4:02 pm
I’m liking the package idea a lot better. 😀 I had a gorgeous tiny little white frog that used to stick himself to my window. Amazing to look at with the light on – you could see all his insides. 😀
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November 4, 2014 at 11:22 pm
I have found a delivery of a truck load of manure on the drive stops all kinds of mischief.
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November 5, 2014 at 4:03 pm
LOL! Now there’s food for thought! An easy way to get rid of Bella’s landmines – toss them over the wall. Ha haaaaa! Another brilliant idea. 😀
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November 5, 2014 at 12:27 am
Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Oh dear, what to do with unruly neighbours… perhaps a note through his door to tell him that someone has been throwing frogs into your garden and you just wanted to warn him, also as a lawyer did he have any advice for you if it should continue……if that fails then throw monkey nuts over his fence and tell the little beggars in your tree to go and fetch. Hugs from freezing Spain.
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November 5, 2014 at 4:08 pm
Thanks for sharing Sally! He’s the only guy around here who doesn’t seem to care about the monkeys, even though they obviously scare his birds outside. I generally go out in the week when they’re at work and chase the little buggers away from their cage. I have a feeling that this isn’t over yet too. Make a jug of Gluhwein and snuggle up my lovely friend. It’s hot as anything here – send over a bit of that freeze. 🙂 XXX ❤
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November 5, 2014 at 5:57 pm
The snug is getting into shape, the tv is here now and the heating on… David wiring up for his move too.. warm as toast with Downton on tap…. Look forward to updates from the frog thrower.. XX♥
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November 5, 2014 at 2:02 am
Maybe you should get up extra early Jo and stand on your side of the fence with a tennis racquet to deliver them back. Maybe a rain of frogs will make him think twice. A nasty trick from a neighbour.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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November 5, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Now that would make a story David! I avoid balls that require hitting. I tried squash and got hit in the forehead. I managed to pot myself in the boob with a snooker ball, and even just spectating I’ve had multiple hits from cricket balls. 😀 I reckon if I did that my very next post would be called Frog Face. 😀 😀 HUGS! XXX ❤
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November 5, 2014 at 3:44 am
Stepping on something that goes s.q.u.i.s.h. is not on my wishlist. I wish you luck in sorting this neighbor out without anyone resorting to firearms…him. 🙂
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November 5, 2014 at 4:13 pm
Squish, crunch, and wibble it was. Poor guy hasn’t got a clue that’s he’s living next to a crazy lady. 😀 Maybe I should take a couple of pot shots with my trusty plastic pellet monkey chasing gun. 😀 X
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November 6, 2014 at 2:33 am
😀 I want to hear about your game plan and how it pans out. This might be worth a story, right?
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November 5, 2014 at 5:18 am
That’s not such a kind neighborly thing to do! Eeek
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November 5, 2014 at 4:14 pm
It really was Eeek – LOL! Doesn’t take much to make me yell, and that really was much. 😀
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November 5, 2014 at 1:30 pm
Oh no Jo…I won’t show my daughter this, she loves frogs so much that she had a pet one once. Well, okay, it was actually a Fire Bellied Toad called Longlegs but unfortunately he hopped beneath our piano getting unceremoniously squashed when we tried to get him out…yikes 😦 Daughter loved frogs so much that her room had a frog theme of course painted in two tones of froggie green and a huge wallpaper frieze of an array of tree frogs 😉 But as for your rotten neighbours, I just can’t get over it. How rude and horrible to do that. He’s been caught…now we want to hear how you put an end to it! Revenges it is 😈 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ❤ ❤ ❤
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November 5, 2014 at 4:18 pm
Poor Longlegs! Your baby girl certainly has some wonderful pets – apart from the snake guy – eeek. I’ve always loved frogs and lizards too though. There was a massive toad in my garden up in Zim, and I swear he used to come up for chats every evening. I think that all the things that people believed because science said that they’re coldblooded and so unfeeling is a load of tosh. I’ve known quite a few really sweet lizards. Revenge it will be – looking forward to it too. 😀 HUGS! ❤ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 🙂
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November 5, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Loved this post Jo and go get that neighbour! xxx
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November 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm
Oh not a good thing, Jo. He is not a nice guy to do that! Yuck and for you to step on them! Bring them back to him on a shovel and place them on his front step with a bow with a note – “thinking of you!” What kind of lawyer is he if he treats lowly frogs like that! He is the lowest!
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