Fifty Shades of Stanley – Tuesday Challenge – A Bit of Silly

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George Witherall had had a lucky escape when Stanley had been struck down by that vicious geriatric crone on her motorised wheelchair. But today was another day, and Stanley was determined to address the assault on his life’s work in the form of that one star stinking steamer of a review, pulsating mightily online in all of its lying filth, for all the world to see. He’d had a look at George’s Facebook page, and seen that he was very excited to be going to see the premier of Fifty Shades of Grey tonight. Well. So would Stanley. He’d bought a hugely overpriced ticket, and laid out his clothes.

Stanley regretted the fact that he’d forgotten to change his knickers before he’d got run over by that ferocious stick wielding Methuselah. Her abuse had been relentless no matter how loudly he explained that the importance of setting his reviewer straight justified his accidental elbowing of her ear. His first review for the book that had taken years of his blood, sweat, and tears to write. Not to mention that that time spent had given him a carbuncle of some size and character in his nether regions from all the sitting that writing an assured bestseller required. That carbuncle was a stayer. It pulsed, and seemed to have a life of its own, and the only way he could get his mind off it was to contain it. Your run of the mill undies couldn’t cut the mustard. Only extra large, comfy, nylon knickers did the trick. And he figured that since he had to wear knickers, why shouldn’t he wear attractive ones? He didn’t see what all the fuss was about anyway. Pants were pants after all. He wondered if it would be worth his time to discuss workplace professionalism with the nurse who had laughed out loud when she’d removed his trousers, and then again when he had informed her that his name was Stanley Wacker. No time now. Mother had been given a large dose of a little something to help her sleep, and Stanley had to get a move on.

Stanley found a seat right behind his nemesis and the painted floozy he was with. He looked around at the people surging in. He had no truck with films. The written word was all Stanley was interested in. He wondered what this Fifty Shades thing was about to attract such hordes. After hearing someone in the lobby say that it was based on a bestselling novel, his interest had been piqued. Maybe he could pick up some tips. He leaned furtively forward to check that his 38 was still snugly resting in its holster on his leg, and also to hear what George was whispering to his date as the lights went down and the movie started. Stanley’s plan to exterminate his reviewer with a well placed bullet, and then escape in the crowd was immediately forgotten, as the things that he was seeing on screen affronted his senses. What was this?

Distracted only occasionally by the lustful fumblings of the gasping and giggling couple to his right, Stanley’s jaw hung slackly, absorbing the details of the sort of story that earned a hundred million dollars. Finally Stanley saw the light. He knew now where he’d gone wrong. Pain! Readers wanted pain! They wanted to be assailed! The thing was to confound readers with dearth of plot, inanity, criminal assault, irritating sensuous pencil placements, a lot of wowing, and a surly billionaire. Vapid Stanley – think vapid! No wonder George had hated his book! He had entirely missed what readers really wanted! Yes! He could do that! Rushing home to begin again, and to emulate his new writing hero, E L James, Stanley was once again struck down. This time by a large set of handcuffs falling from a sign outside of a hardware store. Just before he passed out, he smiled, relieved that he had indeed remembered to change his knickers.

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36 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Stanley – Tuesday Challenge – A Bit of Silly

    Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. said:
    February 17, 2015 at 10:41 am

    Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    The 50 shades effect is circling the globe and with the opening weekend such a hit.. it is no wonder that ones mind might turn to whether adding a few saucy bits and pieces to our written work might spark a similar sensation…I already have a couple of titles that might be converted.. like Stanley perhaps time for a rethink…

    Liked by 2 people

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      Thanks for sharing Sal! I reckon we should all write our own versions – we could make millions! 😀 XXXX

      Like

    The Story Reading Ape said:
    February 17, 2015 at 10:48 am

    ROTFLMAO 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    The Story Reading Ape said:
    February 17, 2015 at 10:49 am

    Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    AUTHORS – Could Fifty Shades actually INSPIRE YOU? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      Thanks for sharing Chris! KISS KISS KISS AND A SPANKAROONIE! LOLOLOL! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

        The Story Reading Ape said:
        February 17, 2015 at 6:22 pm

        OOOOH I LOVE SPANKAROONIES JO (What are they?) LOL 😀 xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

          jorobinson176 responded:
          February 17, 2015 at 6:42 pm

          Well… I have this spatula you see…. and an egg flip… or…. er…. aren’t they those special pants that make you look all svelte? HAHAHAHAAAAAA!! 😀 XXXXXX

          Liked by 1 person

            The Story Reading Ape said:
            February 17, 2015 at 6:46 pm

            O’ere Lass – you’ll ‘ave me all of a scarlet colour LOL 😀 xxxxx

            Liked by 1 person

              jorobinson176 responded:
              February 17, 2015 at 6:52 pm

              I KNEW the egg flip was too much! Darn! I mean Wow and Jeez! 😀 😀 MWAH! XXXX

              Liked by 1 person

                The Story Reading Ape said:
                February 17, 2015 at 6:57 pm

                I KNEW you were only YOLKING about that Jo (PHEW – narrow escape from being whisked instead of whi……) 😀 😀 😀

                Liked by 1 person

                  jorobinson176 responded:
                  February 17, 2015 at 7:03 pm

                  A whisk you say now? Hmmmmm…. 👿 😀

                  Liked by 1 person

                    The Story Reading Ape said:
                    February 17, 2015 at 7:16 pm

                    CAN’T STOP – THERE’S HILLS AND MOUNTAINS TO HEAD FOR – AND CLIMB – FAST! 😀 😀 😀 xxxxx

                    Like

    olganm said:
    February 17, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Jo, I suspect there are quite a few Stanleys out there…:)

    Liked by 2 people

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      I reckon you’re right Olga. There are quite a few big time writers out there that really don’t take critique very well at all. And then there are all those guys thinking that if they write another FSoG they’ll hit it big time. 😀

      Like

    noelleg44 said:
    February 17, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Chuckled all the way through this, Jo. I suppose there are quite a few people out there stimulated by E.L. James’ writing! 😉 A younger friend of mine, who was greatly enamored of the books, went to see the movie with more than just a little anticipation. I asked her fora review, expecting something off the wall. Instead I got something akin to the review in the Wall Street Journal – that it was gray!
    I love silly! We all need to be silly from time to time…

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Thank you Noelle! Just lately there’s so much of the serious – I’ve been a bit too serious too I reckon, so now I’m going to inspect my funny bone for a bit. I actually think that a lot of these books have been bought just to see how bad they are. I’ve read a couple of really pertinent and serious posts about this – about the message this is sending to young minds, and what it’s teaching young women to expect to accept from all the copy cat Christians spouting up all over the place, and it is a little bit of a worry I’m sure. Hopefully the young will be savvy enough to see that the guy is actually a psycho abuser nut job and she’s an enabling victim. I’ve read a couple of the movie reviews (the comments under them are fall down hilarious too) and even though it seems to be at 2 1/2 stars with insults flying, it still made record breaking money. Amazing critters, us humans.

      Like

    Holly Jahangiri said:
    February 17, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Hahahah…awesome! (I suspect this is better than the book or movie that inspired it, but having not made it through 20 pages of the former, it’s unfair of me to draw comparisons. Let’s just say … this did a better job of capturing and holding my attention, and gave me much more reading pleasure!)

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:19 pm

      LOLOL! Thank you Holly! Have you seen any of the online readings of it on Youtube? George Takei is brilliant with his Oh My! Ellen Degeneris too. Too too funny!

      Like

        Holly Jahangiri said:
        February 17, 2015 at 6:58 pm

        Hmm. No, I haven’t. I just can’t help thinking authors like Laurell K. Hamilton are more than a little miffed with this book’s success. (You want soft-core kinky porn? There’s got to be a lot better stuff out there!) But now that you mention Takei and DeGeneris, I may have to check those out. The parodies, thus far, have been pretty good. (Reminds me of Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie. Anyone who had to spend an hour and $10 of their life on that deserves to enjoy the guilty – if profane – pleasures of Yu-Go-Oh: The Abridged Series, on YouTube.)

        Liked by 1 person

          jorobinson176 responded:
          February 17, 2015 at 7:11 pm

          You’re right. I only managed the first page in the look inside feature, but just from reading the reviews and listening to some of the readings I really get the picture. It’s some bad writing with some badly thought out content. Also – I read an article with various paragraphs from her book pretty exactly copied from Twilight – so never mind copyright infringement either. I reckon that most of the rest of that stuff out there is probably better – even the dino rangers. She did it at the right time though – before anyone else. There’s one real dominatrix who uses her book to punish – she makes her subjects read passages from the books out loud as a form of torture. 😀 Apparently they prefer any other sort of pain better. Now I’m off to google Yu-Gi-Oh. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

            Holly Jahangiri said:
            February 17, 2015 at 7:15 pm

            Now that’s a classic Dom move. 😉 Reminds me of the joke about the sadist and the masochist, locked together in a padded cell with no props. The masochist begs, “Beat me, kick me, make it hurt!” The sadist looks across the room, pointedly, and says, “NO.”

            Like

    davidprosser said:
    February 17, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    I’ve told you and Olga before Jo, STOP going through my drawers ! I don’t know whether Stanley is an unlucky son of a gun or a lucky one but the handcuffs that got him may have been of a smaller variety should his plan have gone through.
    I’m not sure my books would convert well to a 50 Shades scenario unless of course it was Lady J selecting curtains.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      😀 But we love your drawers David! ❤ I reckon Stanley will get away with it – he's a slippery divil with bad luck on his side. I reckon he'll be back once he recovers and gets an even worse review than the first one for his new erotica book.
      I couldn't ever seriously try and write such stuff – although I'm really tempted to write something with a lot of Wow and Jeez and fiddling with pencils just for fun – in fact now that you mention it I think I'm going to have to. Stanley's Journey into 50 Shades. I think he might make the whole BDSM lark a bit funny.
      xxx Massive Hugs and Lots of Love! xxx MWAH!

      Liked by 1 person

        Holly Jahangiri said:
        February 17, 2015 at 7:16 pm

        Oh, I can write erotica – unfortunately, it only works for similarly inclined readers, because it inevitably turns into comedy. Someone once critiqued it with, “This is really good writing – very hot stuff – but for MOST people, laughing this hard does NOT lead to an erection.”

        Like

    teagan geneviene said:
    February 17, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Jo, you are in rare form. Too funny! Hugs. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      Thank you my luvverly Teagan! I’m actually loving all the noise about this – the reviews are all just so brilliant with their shock, horror, and snark, and poor old E L James is just sitting back and raking it in. I wonder what people will be saying about it in ten years though – when everyone is whacking everyone else with spatulas. LOLOL! 😀 HUGS! XXXX

      Liked by 1 person

        teagan geneviene said:
        February 17, 2015 at 9:03 pm

        I hate to show how utterly uninformed i am but… There has been such huge hype for the 50 Shades movie that i honestly thought it came out months ago — and that the premier must be part 2! LOL. 😀

        Like

    ghostmmnc said:
    February 17, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    This little story is so funny! Oh, I love the drawing of the knickers…so large, yet so dainty! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      I reckon that we should revive the love of granny knickers – pink floral ones. Never mind all the spankies. 😀 XX

      Liked by 1 person

    Let's CUT the Crap! said:
    February 17, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    You ARE in a grand mood today. I killed myself laughing. I can picture poor Stanley. What a catch! 😀 😀 😀 Reviews of his new book may not make him famous, but maybe the knickers will. 😛 😛

    Liked by 1 person

      jorobinson176 responded:
      February 17, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      LOLOL! You’re right Tess – those knickers are definitely cover material. Now you’ve got me laughing so hard I’m getting a belly ache. 😀 😀 😀 What a catch – too funny!! I keep on picturing him in bondage attire now, but I’m not brave enough yet to google it so I can draw a pic of him dressed the part. ❤ XXXX

      Liked by 1 person

    gillswriting said:
    February 17, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    […] Jo Robinson because without her undying support I would not be here doing this and her blog is a true potpourri with wonderful tales of life in South Africa tucked in between posts that define diversity and versatility. […]

    Like

    gillswriting said:
    February 17, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Hey Jo, I have nominated you for the Verstaile Blogger’s award which I fully appreciate you will be too busy to fully accept but you deserve it in my book! Enjoy the flowers and join me in the Writers World: http://wp.me/p1ISvt-kF Thanks so vey much for making this happen for me! Xxxx

    Like

    Kev said:
    February 17, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    Pretty knickers! 😀 lmao

    Like

    Patrick Jones said:
    February 19, 2015 at 12:25 am

    LOL Jo…tooooooo entirely funny!! Love it 🙂

    Like

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