Happy In The Jungle Thanks to Fabulous Amazon Suggestions!
I download a huge variety of books from Amazon for research purposes either for straight away or for later on, so I suppose that when it spins its computer head trying to figure out what I really, really, really like for recommendations, it could get confused. Any non-writer would probably be appalled if they happened to eyeball some of the wild stuff I have lurking on my Kindle, and confirm all their previously unproven suspicions about me in general. Anyway. So there I was, downloading a pile of prepper and how to bug out books, as you do, when up pops an advert for Teriyaki Zombie Jerky. Of course I had to look, but the first review that caught my eye said that it tasted like kelp and ass cheeks, so I decided not to take the kindly Amazon up on this particular offer.
I can’t imagine why anyone would actually put that stuff in their mouths unless they feel honour bound to for the purpose of leaving an interesting review. I was actually hard at work before I remembered that I wanted some bug out books for later, but that Jerky threw me off my game a little, so I hung around a bit instead, and found to my horror that not only are Amazon purveyors of the flesh of the undead, but also of some kind of unicorn Spam! The unspeakable horror!
I’m thinking now that there’s something very subversive going on up there. What do Amazon know that we don’t? Where do they keep the unicorns?
And finally a book – could very well be some sort of secret code in there I think, so now I’m off to get it. I MUST have this book to learn how to avoid huge ships right away! Thank you lovely Amazon reviewers for showing me what I need!
Jo Robinson 
April 27, 2015 at 8:55 am
Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Jo Robinson is sharing the books that have accumulated on her computer for future reference.. Zombie Jerky…How to Avoid Large Ships… find out more you will be pleased you did.
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April 27, 2015 at 9:56 am
How absolutely disgusting.No warning on the packet to say whether the Zombie Jerky is infectious.
Even more disgusting, don’t these people know that Unicorns are an endangered species. I’m shocked that anyone has the temerity to sell their meat openly on the market.
If that wasn’t bad enough, the most disgusting of all, The Avoidance of Big Ships. Sure they’re big, but don’t you think they have the same feelings that little ships have? This continuous avoidance and the encouragement to do so by such a large firm is not only hurtful but sizeist, prejudicial in the extreme.We need to create a ‘Friends of the Big Ships’ group to encourage people to include them in everything and treat them as normal without exclusion.
Yours sincerely
With Massive Hugs
David
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April 27, 2015 at 12:36 pm
It’s funny how that book shows up on a blog or humor site once a month for me. With all of the reviews, I wonder how many people have actually bought it. As far as the gross edibles, I’m sure somebody out there loves the stuff. After all, I come from a people who eat something called gefilte fish. I hate it and I’m not 100% convinced it’s actually fish.
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April 27, 2015 at 3:14 pm
I love starting the day with a good laugh! Thanks for that!
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April 27, 2015 at 4:23 pm
Oh yuck. Where does this food come from? Do people actually eat this stuff? Maybe the better question might be, ‘Is it real,’ as in who can tell if the contents are as advertised. The far-reaching arm of Amazon gets scarier by the minute. 😀 😀
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April 27, 2015 at 5:00 pm
I’ve seen the unicorn thing before. I think George Takei posted it on FB. He often posts funny reviews for. . .um. . unusual products.
I’ve not had these particular items pop up, but writing an encyclopedia about breasts and looking up unusual subjects for test writing and other projects, I get some pretty strange advertisements and recommendations. 🙂
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April 27, 2015 at 5:48 pm
Good stuff! I needed a Monday morning laugh.
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April 27, 2015 at 6:04 pm
Hahaha! 😀
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April 28, 2015 at 2:10 am
Fab post. Somebody shared with me the reviews for a banana slicer and they are fantastically funny. Thankfully sense of humour is alive and well.
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April 28, 2015 at 5:51 am
So funny, Unicorn Spam and Zombie Jerky. Wow, who knew. Living in Kansas I never worry about avoiding ships, but maybe I should look into ways to avoid them. I want to be prepared after all.
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April 28, 2015 at 5:22 pm
Reblogged this on William Chasterson.
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