Zooming in and out again – sorry for my laxness lately guys. Hopefully normal transmission will resume for me again from tomorrow, and I can get to my email pile and catch up with comments properly again. Recently I was tagged by Chris, our dear Story Reading Ape in a three day quote challenge.
The Three Day Quote Challenge:
Share your favourite quote (even if written by you) and also inspire people.
Thank the person who nominated you. Post your quotes. Pass it on. Do we have to post three quotes, or one quote every day for three days? Not sure – never mind – I’ll just do extra. 😀
THANK YOU CHRIS GRAHAM!
First Quote – Actually – It’s an interview with some quotable—. Things—.
Interview With a Vampire
Me: Thank you for being here today Lord Peebles. I must admit that I was more than a little surprised when you asked me to interview you. Never interviewed a creature of the night before. Are you a writer?
LP: Creature of the night?! Well – indeed! As it happens, yes, I am indeed an author. Have been man and boy these past two hundred years. That is not the reason for this interview however. There is a much more urgent motivation.
Me: Really? So what genre do you write?
LP: Various genres. At the moment I’m working on a treatise concerning the need for Ann Rice to—. This is not about writing, my good woman! I am here to lodge our official—.
Me: I see. So you’re an Ann Rice fan? How about horror? Do you like Stephen King?
LP: No. I’m reading The Fault in our Stars right now. It’s—. Would you STOP talking about books now! I wish to address the serious—.
ME: That one’s on my TBR too, although I probably won’t get around to it in a while. What about your scribbling environment? Where do you like to write? Being a South African vampire it must be difficult for you with all the power outages. Can you see in the dark?
LP: Shutup, shutup, shutup!!!
LP: I am here today as the representative of the World Federation Against the Abuse of Vampires. The Weremen haven’t decided who to request an interview from yet, although the sins perpetrated on them are just as bad as those on our kind. They are considering asking The Story Reading Ape, but they’re a cowardly lot, and afraid of his temper—. Their leader, Lord TakenByThe, also has a severe banana allergy. I can see his point really, all things considered. So—.
ME: Oh, he’s just a big furry softy. Vampire abuse, you say?
LP: Yes. We can barely go out for a meal anymore without some nubile – or not so nubile as the case may be – lass trying to take liberties. Just the other day an elderly lady tried to handcuff me to her bed, and when I objected, she tossed a vial of glitter in my face and said I wasn’t nearly sparkly enough to be sexy. Took me days to get that stuff off my suit. And she made a very spirited attempt to grasp my unmentionables. Who in their right mind expects little old ladies to keep glitter and handcuffs on their bedside tables?
ME: Well. That doesn’t really sound very abusive to me. You are a vampire after all. Maybe she confused the handcuffs for a stake, and the glitter for holy water or something.
LP: Not abusive? Just because we’re vampires doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings you know! We have rights!!! Well—. Maybe not rights per se, but whatever happened to a bit of common decency? What sort of literature do you people read?! The imaginations of some of your modern scribes are absolutely deviant! Our very foundations have been shaken by your endless perverse assaults! Nobody’s scared of us anymore, and women everywhere just see us as shiny sex toys. It’s very upsetting. I personally see myself as androgynous.
ME: Shame. You should write about it. In fact, this sounds like a genre that could take the world by storm. A memoir maybe. You could call it “Grasped by the Geriatric” – quite catchy for a title I reckon. You could talk about the mental anguish of vampire objectification, as experienced by yourself. Sexually like – you know – that sort of thing sells well these days. Focus on the cuffs maybe.
LP: Perhaps. Maybe if the world could see our pain, writers will stop writing books that trivialise us. I’ve had to start going to counselling you know. Lost my appetite entirely. It’s not easy when your meals try and jump you all the time.
ME: I only eat nuts when I’m scribbling really – forget the appetite then. What do you do when you’re not writing? Do you work out? You certainly are very muscley under that cape. What do you wear under it? Anything? Now that you mention it—. You really could do with a bit of sparkle. It would sooo go with your complexion. Hang on a bit, I’m sure I’ve got some—.
I’m tagging the following three lovely ladies – only if they fancy doing this – no pressure. 😉