funny similes

Simile Similah

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It’s a lot more fun writing a book than finishing it in some ways. For me the trip goes a bit like this. Gets bright idea for a novel. Furiously starts to scribble. Absolutely certain that this is IT. The ONE! It’s AWESOME, and it’s going straight to #1! Finishes book. Makes big announcement. Gets back to editing. Decides book is absolute adverb riddled, tell don’t show drivel. Cries. Starts fixing it. Laughs out loud, realising that it really is AWESOME. Finds more adverbs and a plot hole. No. It’s definitely a lump of coal. Cries. Repairs and rereads through tears. YES! It’s BRILLIANT! But no…. Ahem…

There’s just a week and a bit before my next book goes live, and I’m a very busy bunny making sure that there aren’t any dreaded lurgies still lurking in it. I have an unnatural fondness for adverbs, even though all the world says that they‘re devil things, and I also like a funny simile or two in a story, whether it’s supposed to be serious or not. On the fence about removing one of mine, I went looking around for others, and found these.

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Steve Martin

“Delly lost her temper at Peeta over how he treated you. She got very squeaky. It was like someone stabbing a mouse with a fork repeatedly.” Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.” Jarod Kintz

“He had electric blue hair that had stuck around his head like tendrils of a startled octopus.” Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs, and then you had the urge to pass it on.” Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

So I reckon I’ll keep my funny little sentence just the way it is. While I was nosing about the internet, I found this hilarious list of similes from students. Number twelve is my favourite, “Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.” Now that really is a brilliant sentence.