how to get rid of a ghost
Right. Enough with all the serious scribbling for a bit. It’s Friday the thirteenth, and yes, I am going to be silly. I got to wondering about all these ghosties around and about. They can’t bother us in the day. But what happens when we join them? Better learn to sprint.
He was short. And skinny. And the tiny glimpse of his face revealed an epically proportioned pimple. She grimaced.
‘I’m dead you say?’
‘So, who’re you then?’
‘Just a guy. You know. Hanging around. Not doing much.’
‘You seem kinda familiar. Have we met?’
Vera looked around. There was a bright speck of light in the distance. That was where she probably should be heading. But closer, and much more interesting, was a red door. Ornate, with all the gilt trim any self-respecting red door could want. There was a badly drawn picture of a sheeted ghost tacked on it. Then there was this guy. Just standing around staring at his feet. Looking oddly guilty.
‘What’s behind the door?’
She bent down a little as she asked this. Trying to get a good look at his face. She was sure she knew him from somewhere.
‘Dunno. Stuff,’ he said, turning his face away from her stare.
‘I think I’ll just have a little peep,’ she said. ‘If there’s anything scary behind there I’ll just leg it for the light. I don’t like being scared.’
He stifled a nervous giggle, moving his shoulder slightly to further conceal his face.
‘You think that’s funny then? Being scared. It’s not, you know. All my life I was tormented by this ghost. This terrifying demonic thing. It used to slither across my bed. Pull the covers off. Send tendrils of icy air across my body. And loom. It used to loom over me. A lot. It was so ugly. Demons are, I suppose. I used to get so scared, I couldn’t move. I always had to have the light on. It was the reason my old mum used to think I was a tart. But all my many lovers were only my lovers because I was so afraid of the dark. Scared to be alone with that thing in the dark. They never stayed though. Broke my heart, every one of them. Ugly girls like me are only good for a few fun hours. They always left me alone in the dark in the end. Bastards.’
She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. The sudden awareness that now she was part of the afterlife herself maybe that demon could get her anytime it liked was horrifying. She couldn’t be alone here! She lunged for her only companion, gripping his tiny arm so swiftly and firmly that he turned to her and squawked. She stared. The contours of his face quickly becoming familiar. That pointy nose. Those sunken eyes.
‘You!’ she gasped. ‘YOU’RE my demon?’
He tried to tug his arm from her grasping fingernails, but he had no chance. She tightened her grip. She saw it all now. He was no scary demon at all! Just a perv. A dead perv, who got his jollies fiddling with the blankets of single women. Maybe all scary spirits were just dead pervs! She wondered how he’d managed to look so scary. Maybe she could do it too. She closed her eyes tightly and willed herself to look different. Bigger. Bigger boobs too while she was at it. She looked down. It worked! Her boobs were huge!
The white light was getting closer. Her captive was cowering now. Terrified of the light. Vera grinned. Nasty little sod. She watched the light come ever closer, considering her options, and then, just before she gave in to the temptation of the love coming her way, she tossed the tiny man into its warm, welcoming depths, and made a dive for the door. She grinned hearing his terrified screams. He clearly wasn’t welcome in the light. Serve him right! But now for a little fun of her own. She knew a few guys who were about to regret ever leaving a not very pretty girl in the dark on her own. Fangs. That would be just the right touch. Fangs. And really, really, big boobs.
© Jo Robinson 2013
Picture courtesy of: Artdesigner.lv