self doubt

So Little Time

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Thinking that I would just pop my next short story up today, I started the day off transferring more of my scribbles from memory sticks to my new computer. Then I got sidetracked and spent a couple of hours opening links that I’d emailed to myself to bookmark, and reading ALL of them. Then I got the placement for things for one of my covers lobbed into my frontal cortex by my painting muse (she’s a bit rough around the edges that one), so I had to zoom off and sketch it straight away (looks a bit like a deranged lizard gazing out over a field of mushrooms). Then I did a lot more unproductive things, had a mini panic attack because I hadn’t checked out all my emails yet, came up for air, heard a loud bang in the kitchen (feathered horde flinging a tea cup to the floor), jumped up too fast, and ran into a chair. So… All back to normal then.

My problem is that I want to do too much. And I want it all done immediately. So I have three books on the go, as well as five paintings that I want all finished at the same time to use for my covers. My personally inflicted deadline is looming now. It’s probably crazy to think this will all be done when I expect it to be, but then again, you never know. I remember once when I first started driving, I got my car into a spot that it couldn’t get out of without something being horribly scratched, as you do, so I asked four guys I spotted wandering down the road to just pick it up and straighten it out. They looked a bit startled, then each of them grabbed a corner, and did just that. Didn’t look overly hard either. I’ve since been told that this would be absolutely impossible to do, and that I must be stretching the truth by a very long way indeed. The look that accompanied this sentence definitely suggested that I was the biggest talker of crap on the planet also. I’m not though. Could be they were just really strong guys, or maybe the confidence of my expectation left no room for self-doubt. Who knows? I suppose that if you really believe you can do something, you can. That would work both ways too.

If you think that you can’t do something, even subconsciously, then you can rest assured that you won’t get it done. You might not realise that that’s the reason though. You’ll blame it on social networking, cooking for the demanding swine who live in your house and insist on eating all the time, or any number of time-consuming things that keep you from finishing your projects. I have the opposite problem to that. I think I can do anything at all. Then I end up running into walls and chairs, and realising that I actually can’t. Well. I still think I can. Now I just have to figure out a way to manipulate time itself. Probably doable too. I’ll have to see if I can squeeze finding out more about that in-between scribbling and flinging paint around.

Which reminds me – I bought a book on fantasy art techniques, and tried to copy a bit of one of the paintings in there for practice. I’m not using this for anything, calling it my own, or trying to sell it, so I’m hoping it’s not grand theft art! My covers will be 100% original – this is just to figure out how to paint in general. Anyway – it’s coming along so I’ll share it with you here. It’s a nude too! Then you can tell me to to stop buggering about and just buy stuff from Dreamstime instead.

Till next time friends. Xxx

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