Throwing things into your neighbours yard

Frog Tosser

Posted on November 4, 2014

I’ve just discovered that one of my neighbours is lobbing the dead frogs that he fishes out of his pond over the wall. I went to unlock the gate for my cleaning lady this morning, and there they were. Something went SPLOT under my foot, and when I looked down – well. Four leathery, expired amphibians in a little pile, and the rather flatter one that I stood on. Fortunately for the neighbours they’d already left for work, because squishing a dead frog first thing in the morning did not make me a very happy bunny at all.

My cleaning lady then spotted their cleaning lady, so she headed over and politely suggested that their gardener be asked to stop hoiking little green corpses into my driveway. Turns out that they don’t have a gardener, which means that my neighbour HIMSELF is responsible for tossing the toads! I don’t personally know the couple next door, but I’m pretty certain I’ve heard that he’s a lawyer. You’d think that a lawyer would know better than to chuck little decomposing bodies into an innocent scribblers yard exactly where she’s most likely to stand on them, considering she has a bad habit of not looking where she walks. The sod.

Unfortunately, my weekly gardener had already disposed of the evidence by the time enough steam was coming out of my ears to send me out to throw them back over. I’m not sure what to do yet. Heading over to discuss the matter sounds a little embarrassing to me, and I don’t like embarrassing people no matter how toolish they behave. I’ve considered putting the word out in the domestic workers underground that I’m looking for a couple of hundred dead frogs. It would make the memory of that squishing, crunching sound under my foot this morning a lot less blurgh if I could return the favour a hundredfold, but I wouldn’t want to be the actual cause of death of any frog in case anyone got overenthusiastic to deliver. So.

The fuming has knocked me right off my epic editing throne, and now all I can think of is flattened frog faces. Still. I think there could be a story here somewhere. In the meantime I’ll spend a little time Googling grand revenges. He’s not going to get away with it.